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A Girl I Made Out With Once is Facing 35 Years in Prison: My Thoughts

From the…

An East Grand Forks woman faces 35 years in prison for three counts of burglary after a five-month investigation led police to her arrest. Brina Lee Day, 29, is accused of stealing from two apartments and Hugo’s Family Marketplace grocery store in EGF.

The article continues to describe the investigation, detailing Brina’s illegal activities and discrepancies with her neighbor more in-depth. The more notable items Brina allegedly stole includes a Pizzazz pizza maker (understandable), an iPad, a living room area rug, and a credit card that was subsequently used to purchase $644.35 worth of second-rate shit from a nearby TJ Maxx. It should also be mentioned that Brina slyly asked her neighbor if her iPad had tracking capabilities on it before she allegedly stole it. Her neighbor responded with “How do you know I have an iPad?” What a criminal mastermind.

I’m burying the lead here however. Let’s get to the reason why this story is relevant… I sucked face with the defendant in high school once… maybe twice. My memory is just so blurry sometimes. One time in particular I remember distinctly however. It was out at some shitty house in the country (probably one of her various step-dads’).  I remember that the house’s unorthodox architectural design positioned a bedroom square in the middle of the house with three doors: one to the kitchen, one to the living room and one to a bathroom. From the entrance of the home you could not get into the living room without going through this master bedroom. I will never forget that horrific trailer park labyrinth. I remember because we made out in the bedroom, and people kept continuously barging in, cock-blocking and twat-swatting us. We were 15-years-old. UV Blue vodka concealed in a ‘Cool Blue’ Gatorade bottle was involved in some capacity. I also recall an ill-defined attempt at some heavy petting on the outside of the jeans. At that part of my pre-coital youth, when making out with girls I would just grope with my hands frivolously like I was imitating sign-language interpreters.

It was a one-off make out (again, maybe twice) and I never pursued her. I just frenched the shit out of her for 20 minutes and then never looked in her general direction again. She made it to first base and I ejected her from the game. Dry humped her and dumped her.

With that being said, I feel responsible in a way for Brina’s delinquent behavior. Is this my fault? Did my sudden disinterest confuse and hurt Brina, shaping her for a path of immorality and wrongdoing? Could I have prevented this? What if I would have texted her with my units on my TracPhone after that kiss and we began dating? Or maybe I should’ve just let her down easier without an abrupt estrangement and lectured her on material possessions not being able to cure a broken heart. I’m no psychologist but she’s clearly venting and lashing out from a lack of attention after a bonerific make out sesh.

Whatever the case, I would like to formerly apologize to the victims. I have started a fundraiser in an attempt to replace the stolen items. I named it ‘The International Special Committee & Conservation of Helping Hands for Stolen Pizza Makers Advocacy Society Foundation of America’ fundraiser. We are doing a 5K in May.

I am actually kind of proud of her for stealing the pizza maker though. That’s my girl. I can’t wait to visit her in jail and do the hand on the glass thing.